Nyla Madison, 3.13.13
My first born was an unplanned, non-emergent Cesarean Section. At the beginning of my pregnancy, my lack of health insurance lead me a community clinic where I felt like ˜just another chart”. When my insurance finally came through, most OB’s wouldn’t take me because I was so far along (27 weeks). I had a long list of OB’s that accepted my insurance, the only male was the last one- because surely I wouldn’t have to get even close to the bottom of the list before finding someone, right? Wrong! I was forced to set aside my hang-ups around having a male provider pretty quickly.
When my OB finally accepted me into the practice, I was so relieved that I basically worshiped him!The fact that him and his staff were all people of color gave me a feeling of comfort and trust. I was so grateful to have a doctor that made me feel great, deliver my baby. Along came 39 weeks, 5 days and baby girl was facedown, but my Cervix hadn’t shown any signs that she was ready to descend. The doctor nonchalantly says, “Well, it looks like I might not be here to see this baby be born after all, I’m going on vacation at the end of the week.” My jaw drops and my heart rate spikes as I fully panicked at the thought of not knowing who would be taking care of me for my birth. To relieve my panic, he asked if I’d like to be induced. Not knowing better and making an emotion based decision, I (basically yelled) “YES PLEASE!!” So off to the hospital I go (with my partner & bestie, but no doula). I receive a round of Cervidil (a synthetic medication inserted through the vagina, used to prepare your cervix- the lower opening of the womb- for labor and delivery.) After 12 hours of monitoring and basically just chilling in the bed, no signs of active labor. (of course not, baby/mybody weren’t ready and I was confined to a bed with very minimal physical activity. I got another round of Cervidil, which was supposed to last another 12 hours. 9 hours, no food, and many, MANY uncomfortable (& unnecessary) vaginal checks later, the doctor said “Okay, there’s no dilation. This isn’t working so it’s time for plan B. Let’s just get this baby out.” At that point, I was starving, headachy, defeated and ready to stop having strangers’ fingers in my vagina. I agreed to the Cesarean. At 11:43pm, just minutes shy of her EDD (estimated due date) a star was born from the cosmos. I was relieved, super high, and scared to drop my brand new baby when I first held her. The hospital staff took her up for a bath while I was in recovery, alone (daddy followed the baby, bestie was beat after 26 hours & went home). I didn’t actually get to see and hold my baby until 3:30am. And at this time, I felt that my birth story was totally normal and I was obliviously happy.
Once I began to learn more about birth, there are SOOO many things that used to make me cringe about my birth story. I judged myself harshly for my lack of education, for my relaxed demeanor around the obstetric injustices & disrespect. It wasn’t until I stopped judging myself that I realized that I was meant to have this experience exactly how it happened. This way I can relate to other Cesarean mamas, I would experience the power of a VBAC, I would know first hand how to help clients avoid certain situations by asking the questions I didn’t know to ask. I am so grateful for my experience as a first time mama.